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August 09, 2007

TFG's Third Law of Motion: The Return of Make-Up Chick

A couple months ago one of my coworkers asked me where I get the ideas for my blog. Well, one of my favorite places is the gym. Just watch people long enough and the stories write themselves.

A couple months ago I wrote what was probably my most popular blog entry...
TFG's Second Law of Motion

This was a story about some of the people that I run into at one of the gyms I frequent. One of these people was Make-Up Chick.

If you haven't read TFG's Second Law of Motion, I encourage you to go back and have a good laugh. Without reading it, today's entry will not be as funny.

Anyway, there I was on the treadmill today. I'd been increasing the incline on my routine to help me get ready for some of my new long term goals. Out of the corner of my eye I see two women enter the gym. I glance over and see Make-Up Chick and an older woman with a family resemblance. My guess it is Make-Up Chick's mom...Make-Up Mom.

They take two of the treadmills in the row in front of me and start off at a walking pace...a really slow walking pace. I can never understand that. I start off walking too but only so I can get my Zune setup the way I like it without tripping over the wire. Once that is ready, I increase my speed to something reasonable. But people like the Make-Up Family start out slow...and keep going slow. And when I say 'slow', I don't mean at a normal walking pace. I mean they were walking faster when they walked into the gym. Truly, Mind-bogglingly, slow...you get the picture.

Anyway, I'm listening to my music and trying to concentrate on my breathing. Make-Up Chick, having not learned anything from the last time I saw her, was trying to prop up her Glamour magazine so she could read the "12 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life" article. Make-Up Mom puts her handbag on the treadmills panel and tries using it to hold up her newspaper.

Now I know that treadmill can be boring. But propping stuff up in front of you can only lead to the wrong kind of excitement. And sure enough...less than five minutes into their workout...a misstep while turning a page causes the newspaper to fall down onto the treadmill below. Make-Up Mom reaches out to grab it and knocks her handbag over with her head. The treadmill becomes an obstacle course with the newspaper and the handbag. This of course leads to Make-Up Mom's tumble...or it would have if not for Make-Up Chick to the rescue.

Make-Up Chick, in mid stride, reaches sideways to steady the woman that gave birth to her. Unfortunately, she didn't take the moment required to step off the treadmill first so she would be a steady position herself. So as the handbag tripped Make-Up Mom, Make-up Chick was unable to assist and actually made things worse as they both fell into a heap. The resemblance between these two women is much more than skin deep as they also seem to have the same understanding of physics.

Keep in mind I WAS concentrating on my breathing. Now it's all I can do to keep from laughing. I was only 20 minutes into my workout but I knew that I wouldn't be able to get in the right mindset to continue. So I picked up my stuff and went home.

This leads to Token Fat Guys Third Law of Motion...

When an object is in motion and is intercepted by a second object of similar mass, the second object will need to be braced correctly or the kinetic energy of the first object will overpower both objects.

Progress Report
I'm doing better this week. I'm still 11 pounds up but I think I'm about to drop a pound or two. Then I'll catch up to where I was before all the stupidity started.

NOTE: When I say I'm 11 pounds up. That is 11 pounds up from my minimum. Some one asked me a couple weeks ago if I'd gained back ALL the weight I'd lost plus 11 pounds. So I want to clarify this. I was 246 pounds at my last weigh in...down from my max weight of 292 pounds. I'll update the graph one of these days.

I'm back to keeping track of my daily food intake. It really helps me stay on track to see where all my calories are coming from.

My biggest problem now, I think, is the heat. Summer in North Carolina is like being in an oven.

Speaking of which...


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